Cancer Amavasya: True Answer

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Chicken my mother’s only sister passed away in 2000, right around the karka sankranti, she took with her an entire era of my family history. Hers was a generation that produced more than its share of great women, my aunt and my mother. You can judge the success of a person’s life by how many phone calls it takes for people to report their death, I guess. It took the better part of a day for both of us to approach everyone with a close personal interest in my aunt’s passing.

She could offer with her not only a loving parental figure (since she was actually my second mother), but also thousands of short, interesting stories and pieces of family lore unavailable from any other source. We’ve been asking her questions since mom’s death many years ago… Stories about our parents when they were little, about them, about the family. But in the end there were so many questions that we didn’t think to ask.

We were co-parented by my mother and aunt since 1971. Soon after my father died in an accident, our mother brought us to California, where we lived briefly with our aunt and her husband, who took us with an undeniable generosity, which we acknowledged for many years later. , when we found out how rare such qualities were.

That Auntie loved us was never questionable, but her approval had to be earned. Appropriately for a woman born with Saturn in conjunction with the Sun, she held us to a higher standard. But he also took a genuine and lasting interest in the world that extended to all of us. There was a pain in the heart, so you went to my mother; But if you had a practical, real-world problem, you took it to Auntie, and she’d help you solve it. It was thrilling to earn her praise. Of course, when you were out of line or let him down, he didn’t hesitate to tell you about it too. Mother gave us heart, but Auntie gave us backbone.

This Cancer new moon (June 28, 2022, 7:52 p.m. PDT) reminds me of the formidable patriarchs in all of our lives — who are astrologically symbolized by Cancer, the Moon, and the fourth house — who orient us in the world. Importance of essential and irreplaceable things: History, family, lineage. For years these things had no place in my life. I had seen my mother and aunt give us endlessly on the basis of their blood relation to others, and as I watched them both grow tired and sick and spend an early age, I concluded that their Linking charity to their ailments. Not for me, I had already decided, and ignored any family members who were not directly around me, and many who were. Despite the example of my mother and aunt, I have yet to appreciate the notion of blood kinship and tribe. I think it’s because I had the luxury of his protective generational buffer between me and rootlessness.

While the most powerful astrological symbol of womanhood – the Moon, the ruler of Cancer – is synonymous with care, heritage and nurturing, Taking care of others and protecting family ties is not the sole dominion of women. However, this has always been the case in my family. To a clan full of fishermen, sailors, tragic affairs and lost souls, Women like my mother and aunt were our true answers, guiding us slowly through the rocks.

On the day of my aunt’s funeral, her daughter, my sister, and I ran around, providing food and comfort—a little clumsy, like children playing dress up—while waves of grieving men and children flowed against us. . I remember, good god, now we are all left. Our mothers left us their compasses, hidden like treasures hidden deep in our fourth houses; But if we are to bring this ship to a safe harbor, we have to learn to read it ourselves.

I wonder, when the torch passed by them, did they think they were so small and inadequate for the job, so prepared and false. How did they know so much, tolerate so much, love so much? These are the questions we forgot to ask. Maybe we keep the answers in the memories of their examples. Or maybe we ask her on hot summer nights, looking up at the moon and asking her to share her secrets, history, and secrets of women with us.

Writing and Collage © 2000-2022 April Elliot Canto

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