free yourself from the matrix

It’s no big secret – I come from a background of serious abuse. I don’t see things the way most people do.

I didn’t know this when I was little. how i? I grew up in the desert without a phone or a TV. My family had a car, which my father took to work in the city. It completely alienated us.

It’s not as sad as it seems. It will take me a long time to explain this. It’s off topic for what I want to say here, so I’ll move on. I don’t want people to cry for me. there’s no need.

I realize now; I grew up in an alternate universe. Plus my universe was unique.

By that I mean, there was no community. I am comparing my experience to that of an Amish child. “Abuse”, in the Amish community, I don’t know. But the Amish are definitely offline, so to speak. And when they go to town, everyone knows they don’t belong. This is common with us.

Now I had no one to explain it to me. I have always felt that I am a normal and fine person and even a funny, great human being. Hey! It’s my world that’s part of my thing.

My sister used to call me Mowgli from Jungle Book, which means Mowgli thought he belonged to animals. He didn’t know he was a boy. He had no frame of reference and he certainly wasn’t worried about it.

I couldn’t argue on this. I have also been called the nail of the internet (from the movie). I kind of understand it. Guess I understand it enough. I have also been called and idiot knowledgeable!

Whatever my background, I came to the city at the age of fifteen. It wasn’t until I was in my mid-twenties that I was struck by my abusive background, going into my Saturn retreat.

I went for treatment at that time. This is where I learned to jump on the track. That’s how I saw it.

I wrote this in 2014. It is worth reading.

Can you get over an abusive childhood?

Well, I learned that there was a track. I had to teach it to jump, which I did.

Here is a topic. I taught myself to read, I taught myself mathematics. I taught myself to drive that truck.

I taught myself to overcome trauma. I taught myself to go to bars when I was fifteen. I also taught myself astrology and many other things.

My chart tells this. The conjunction of Mars in my ninth house is Mercury. I seek knowledge, tirelessly. *I* find it.

I come back to this topic of abuse today because over the years, I’ve come to understand a lot of things that almost everyone doesn’t understand. I don’t mean to be arrogant. I can see things that I can’t because of my background. It is like a person who grows up to be blind; Chances are they can hear things that I can’t.

My feeling at this point is that almost everyone, everywhere, is on a track. Call me “programmed” from my childhood. You are programmed by yourself but also by whom? Media?

It is undeniable at this point. Deny it and I’ll laugh at you.

You are also programmed by your education. Now this may be distracting to people but hopefully some can hear me. Education molds a person. There is a lot of conditioning and you have to conform to be successful. I missed this training a lot. Why?

Well, I started first grade when I was five years old and I could read at the seventh grade level. It kicked me out of first grade and put me in second grade so that I could learn to write cursive writing which was a prerequisite for attending third grade. I learned to write my own letters, then started third grade at age six.

When I finished two-thirds of my math book on the first weekend of third grade, they kicked me out of third grade and asked me to work in the office and do other tasks.

Can you see how I missed class? I forgot almost everything. For example phonetics. If you teach yourself to read at the age of four, there is no phonetics. I lack equality with people on many, many levels. I have tried to merge but it is impossible.

For example, I see my husband and his son together watching vintage MTV, which they did thirty years ago. They enjoy it a lot. I can enjoy their pleasure but these short videos provide no emotional hit or nostalgia sense for me – why? Because I’ve never seen them before in my life! As a result, no emotion is aroused. The stuff just feels dated to me. It doesn’t even match the pictures that my mind made to accompany the music, which I am Familiar.

This is why my thoughts are often out of bounds and collide. I don’t look to “the teacher” or any other authority for answers because… well, they were all busy teaching their classes, which I was not a part of. My training was very simple. Want to know something? Go to the library and find out.

My mother had nothing to do with me. Double Aquarius, isn’t it? Get out of here and whatever you do, don’t be fooled, or do the mortal sin of boring people! That was his line!

You can consider me an outcast or a weirdo or whatever. you are not wrong! But at this point in time, I’m grateful for the way I grew up and I mean it, honestly.

No, I don’t like being beaten up or any other horrible thing done to me, but God bring the good out of the bad. I see a need for someone like myself. It takes me a lot of time to confuse and I mean a lot. If you’re really in trouble, all you want is a person with a calm mind to help. But there is more.

People are socialized in large part to feel like victims. It weakens the soul. equally important, their attention and withHis energy, in this day and age is captured by various screens in our lives.

I’m sorry, but this is also undeniable. When your attention is focused on your phone, there’s a conversation going on. I hope it is positive but maybe it is not. Why? Because as the years go by, what can be accessed on your phone or tablet or computer has become more and more controlled. This is especially true if you are four or fourteen years old and you think you are accessing all the information out there. No need to take your eyes off the screen.

For the sake of clarity (I hope), I would like to mention this other phenomenon of which I am aware. Because of my background, people look at me and throw all kinds of rubbish at me. They draw conclusions about my feelings and/or my character or my motivations, nodding to validate their views on my history that are almost always wrong. They tell themselves a story, basically and believe me, they believe it.

I am talking about intelligent, educated people. It’s like a flowchart. If this -> then that. But the equation is flawed!

If the original equation is closed, the probability of getting the correct answer is almost zero. But this person does not know. How will they know it? Chances are the person who can check their work has the same jacked up flowchart! This is simple.

I only recently realized this. The flowchart becomes the “gospel” of the person so to speak. Like the train analogy above. He has memorized the material and believes it to be irrefutable. This is their track and they go ’round’ and ’round’ with their wrong conclusions. It’s like the guy whose father said they were ugly. Decades pass by and they just don’t stay together, but in That wound.

So what about this matrix thing? Most have some idea what I’m talking about. It’s about breaking your programming, no matter where it came from. By now most know. They were taught such things which are wrong and untrue. They were given wrong information. I’m not blaming the teachers either Parents for that matter. The same happened with the teacher or the parent. Looks like they’re finding out now. and guess what they are were not Taught. they weren’t taught how to hang out or even you can do go.

It takes courage. It takes determination. But life has become so unbearable for people, more and more are ready and willing to admit that something has gone wrong. I snapped in 2015 and reported the incident here:

Humble – When you find out you’re wrong…

I think it will be very important for Saturn in Pisces. I came to know that there was a problem when Saturn was transiting in Virgo. That post was written with Saturn in Sagittarius. I realized that I believe in lies! Now Saturn will enter Pisces and this transit is tied. How do you go about working to truly understand the beauty in this world? This is a miracle.

I’m going to stay here. I don’t know if this is understandable. I hope some can hear me. I’ve been sitting on this for several months… more than a year.

I am eight years old in the picture above and five years old in the picture below. I don’t know what you see, but I see the son of a free-thinking bitch who, who likes dogs, lives in secret with a library card.

Who are you? How were you programmed? Are you good with it or do you feel like breaking chains to go out of bounds?

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